About a year and a half ago, my whole life became uprooted and transformed in a way that was completely unprecedented to me, or least that’s what I will readily admit. I always had this inner doubt that my previous relationship had issues, and I often found myself feeling a sense of panic and fear that it would end. I felt the storm before it came, like the birds do on a cloudy day, but still, I was left devastated from my loss. I knew the storm was coming, but I just didn’t know how bad it would actually hit.
For months, I found myself just going through the motions, taking on several extra classes “to keep myself busy” and I was just starting my classes at the community college to get my teaching certification. If I were to be honest with myself, I don’t really remember much of that time at all. I was taking cooking classes “for fun” and “self-improvement” which I ironically started about a month before my previous relationship had plummeted to its painful doom. From working to taking classes straight after three nights a week, I didn’t really have time to ask myself what I wanted. I was keeping busy, but too busy. I was fixing myself and trying to win my ex back, but the thing was, I wasn’t trying to win myself back. When the time came, he didn’t know what he wanted, and I didn’t know who I was, so after holding out for so long, I decided to walk away.
That was when I got my own apartment. I moved in a couple months later. I started a new job since the last one wasn’t a good fit. (I could go on and on about the problems there, but sometimes, it’s just good to leave the past in the past. Plus, my name is on this page, so if you know, you know, and if you don’t, consider yourself lucky.) With my apartment, I had started a new relationship about a month before moving in. It comes with its own challenges since he has a child of his own, but I find that his wisdom, kindness, loyalty, and simpleness bring peace to my life, even if his son is a literal kraken. But at least he’s a loveable kraken.
So, now I find myself here. I have a job I love in a small town. I have my very own apartment. Even more importantly, I can proudly say that I am financially independent in my mid-20’s. Nothing gets better than this. Now, I have complete freedom. I am living on my own. I have an encouraging partner, and I have one of the best families anyone could ask for. The next step for me is finding out who I truly am. Today, I am choosing myself.